Never Ending Poems

After the last post I wrote, two things happened.

First, I attended a lunch seminar at my job about mindfulness and the benefits. This was ironic because the woman began her presentation by asking if we had ever driven in the car, gotten home, and not been able to remember how we got there.

In my head, I screamed, "YES!" She proceeded to tell us that this was referred to as "mindlessness" and that she was going to teach us about being "mindful" and aware of our surroundings as well as our body.

Second, a friend came up to me and said she had read my post and that she had heard that technically we become hypnotized while we are driving, which is why we can't always remember how we get places.

Both of these things reiterated my concern. How many other moments are we hypnotized to the point of "mindlessness?" What effect does this have on the rest of our lives?

Though these questions are still lingering, the woman giving the presentation about mindfulness said that simply thinking "I am breathing," or "I am currently driving home and passing the grocery store," or "Wow, I am thinking about that specific topic a lot" is considered being mindful and can have an enormous benefit on our health.


As I was thinking more about the mindfulness practice, I came across a TED talk from one of my favorite poets, Sarah Kay. (Video posted here for you to enjoy!!!).

In her talk she shares (along with some of her amazing poems) that while teaching poetry one of her biggest tips is that:

"...it is tempting to keep writing the same poem or to keep telling the same story over and over once you have figured out it will gain you applause. It is not enough to just teach that you can express yourself. You have to grow and explore and take risks."

This advice hit home for me in a way I hadn't thought about in a while. I haven't written poetry in months and as I began thinking about why, I realized that it was because I was writing the same poems over and over and over and was never satisfied with the results.

For me, it was not because I wanted applause from an audience. It was to sort out things that I haven't realized I still need to sort out. When those poems didn't do that for me, I was left unsatisfied and found myself continuously writing about the same topic.

So, after listening to the mindfulness talk, hearing Sarah Kay's advice, and trying to break myself from the hypnosis of life, the first mindfulness task I set for myself, was to be aware of the things that I think about too often, the things I wish I could write the perfect poem for and really hone in on the "why?"

This week, be aware of the thoughts you have over and over and over that you may not even realize you are having. What poems do you find yourself writing over and over and over because you haven't sorted them out yet and why? Why that topic? Why isn't it satisfying yet? How can you get there and once you are there how can you continue to grow, explore, and take risks?

The Things We Miss

Last Friday I was driving home from work on exactly the same road I had the day before and the day before that. It was one of the warmest, sunniest days we had had in a while. The music on my phone was on shuffle, a ritual I follow each afternoon. The traffic was fairly mild for a Friday with very few brake lights in view.

As I was driving through a forest preserve, which I have driven through almost everyday this year, I realized something...

I didn't remember how I had gotten to that point on my route home.
     Couldn't identify what songs I had just been singing along to.
     Couldn't tell you which lights I had made and which I had stopped at.
     Couldn't even tell you what time I had gotten into my car to leave.

And then I panicked. Was I losing my memory?

After driving for a while longer on that same road, still heading towards home, I realized something else. If, everyday when I got home, I tried to identify details about the trip, I probably wouldn't have been able to tell you the songs I had sung, how many lights I had stopped at, or what time I got into the car.

And this wouldn't be because of memory loss. It's because this was a routine I followed everyday since September. And everyday it was the same motions I went through.

While this realization made me less nervous about my brain's health, it made me worry about something else.
     How many other times in life had this same thing happened?
     How many times had I sung, danced, laughed and can't remember them, let alone why?
     How many "lights" had I made or missed without paying any attention to it?
     How many people had slipped out of my life like this?
     Could I even identify what happened along my route that led to this?

And this is the scariest thought of all. There could be so many things that I missed in life or people that I let go because I was just going through the motions, following my daily routine, and didn't think to pay attention to the details.

So I find myself asking, why is it that when the weather is warm and sunny we lose focus and what kind of effect does it have on the rest of our lives?

Bear with me

The title to this blog is simple. Just my first name. This is because I'm not quite sure what I will end up writing about, but I know I want to start writing again. It has been too long. My first name is the only thing I know for sure will be consistent at this point. Bear with me...

The theme is also simple. Autumn leaves. This is because, despite the fact that the fall has always been a sign of the coldest months of the year approaching, it is my favorite season. The leaves remind me of it. That is really the only reason I chose them. Or maybe they are some kind of metaphor for how the theme, the content, the title, like the leaves, will change eventually. I guess we will see. Bear with me...

The content, like I said before, is currently unidentified. I used to blog, but got self-conscious. I thought nobody cared what I had to say. Didn't want to be one of those people who wrote about things they thought were important, but nobody else did. Who wasted their time. This time I am just going to write about things I think are important because now I see that that is not a waste of time. Bear with me...

This blog is a rebirth. A chance for me to write again because I miss it. And sometimes you just have to do what you need to do. I am at the point where I feel like I just need to do this. Bear with me...