To Be A Mother

I am not exactly sure what my earliest memory is, but when I think back on my childhood, every memory that does come to mind involves either my mother, my grandmother, or both. I remember carrying a picture of her around my Preschool classroom because I couldn't bear to be away from her. I remember the most creative birthday parties in our backyard, Girl Scout sleepovers that always got a little rowdy, learning to sew no matter how frustrated got, her patience through all of it. I remember hunting cicada shells under my grandparent's willow tree every summer, picking fruit from the trees in their yard, counting bunches of grapes. I remember tins of Christmas cookies, playing with my mother's old Barbie dolls, and hunting for treasures in the basement.

I picture my mother putting Karlee to bed in her Play Pen after she had open heart surgery. I picture her spending hours looking up low sugar/low carb recipes when my dad was diagnosed with diabetes. I picture my grandmother by my mother's side when my sisters were born. I picture her by my grandfather's side through his cancer treatments, when he lost his leg, when he moved back home and had to learn to adapt.

It was from these women that I learned what it means to be a mother. It means being patient, no matter how frustrated you might be yourself. It means letting your children explore every inch of this world, without judgement. It means teaching respect of each other, of the Earth, of the whole world.  It means stepping up when someone needs to be taken care of. It means teaching your children to be creative and to use that creativity to create their own fun. It means letting things get a little rowdy sometimes. And it most importantly means love, unconditionally.

While I am not a mother yet, I look to my mother and grandmother as models of the woman I want to be. When Brandon catches me trying to move furniture myself or saving a dove with a broken wing and he says I am just like them, I always smile and thank God. And if and when I am blessed enough to become a mother, I will remember the way they raised me and pray I can be half the women and mothers they are.